Yup, you caught me. I am guilty as charged. For the last couple of weeks I have been hyperventilating and stressing so much that I created a serious kink in my back that is taking some serious love to work out..
Acupuncture, Chiropractic, Yoga, Meditation.... all in the hopes of loosening the clenching that was actually caused by, you guessed it, yours truly.
I have been feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the effort of churning out great content and developing a viable business of service. It was not until I entered Yoga class on Monday morning, greeted by a new and ambitious teacher, that I received my wake up call.
I arrived a couple of minutes late, and so the class was already into their flow sequence. I unrolled my mat and began to join in. I instantly became aware that what I was being guided to do was NOT what my body and breath were ready to do. At first I thought, what the f*ck! Doesn't she know I need a considerable amount of warming up to keep up this pace? And after maybe one or two more attempts from my ego to get pissed and find fault in her style, I got the lesson I needed so badly that day.
Here I am. It's Thursday and, my blog is due to my "editor". My week has had lots of insights, breakthroughs, and miracles but still I sit here thinking "what do I write about?"
I have to tell you, it is not always the easiest task to express my path of service in this blog every week. In fact, sometimes I just don't feel like it. I don't feel like conjuring up some grand message from the depths of my wisdom. I just want to be Erika. So today I am letting myself off the hook and letting go of my will to serve with excellence. Instead I will just stand aside and let it ride.
Now, don't get me wrong. There is not a word that comes out of my being when I am standing in a place of service, written or spoken, for which I don't give total credit to spirit. I firmly believe that we are divine expressions of "God's" love that our service is the ultimate expression of that love. But today, I think I will truly just put this to the test and move aside entirely. I wonder what will come out? Will I start radiating and levitating? You never know. I have had some intense and mind blowing experiences on this path. I put NOTHING past the power of spirit to make a show.
So, now what.. hum.
Oh.. I know.
Remember when you were told you were not good enough as a young girl?
For the last week I have been consciously focusing my thoughts on a constant prayer of love. Each and every time I lose sight, become unfocused, or think out of something other than love, I have tried to turn my thoughts back to love. I am noticing something truly miraculous. With a conscious awareness of my thoughts, I am dreaming my world into being. The world I want to live in. Wanna know my quick and easy secret? Love. Yup, That's it. Love. Keep reading, I'll tell you more.
The exercise is simple in explanation but it is no easy task. One must be willing to stand firmly grounded in love and create everything from there. No exceptions. Think you can do it? Let's practice.
As with all good intentions, this week's blog has been derailed. The third part of the blog series "The Power of Keeping Life Simple- The Power of Prayer" will have to wait. This week's lesson sparked such a powerful, "I want to run and hide," emotion that it is best served if I share.
My story goes like this:
Being the youngest of four children, growing up in the 70's and 80's, totally unable to read or write properly, put me in a particularly uncomfortable spot within my education. Having gone though most of elementary school feeling alone, frustrated, and confused, I began to have major self-esteem issues due to what I thought was some sort of fundamental flaw. I eventually did get support and found resources to help me along the way, but the problem was never totally resolved. I always found fault in myself because I was not what I was expected to be and could not excel academically the way I was told I needed to.